Relationships

Family

  1. History

    1. Timeline
      1. Discover memories from early childhood
      2. Genealogy 
      3. Learning more through questions
  2. Keeping in touch

    1. Add parents, siblings and immediate family to a group chat for weekly contact.
    2. Set recurring reminders to reach out periodically.
    3. Share fond memories or pictures.
  3. Moving away

Romantic

  1. Men and women

  2. Attachment

    1. Styles
      1. Secure
        1. Emotionally available and appropriately responsive to his or her partner, as well as capable of regulating both his or her positive and negative emotions.
        2. “It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on others and having others depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or others not accepting me.”
        3. Tend to have positive views of themselves and their attachments.
      2. Anxious–preoccupied
        1. “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.”
        2. People with this style of attachment seek high levels of intimacy, approval, and responsiveness from their attachment figure.
        3. Tend to have less positive views about themselves.
      3. Dismissive–avoidant
        1. “I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient. I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.”
        2. People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence.
        3. Tend to suppress and hide their feelings, and deal with rejection by distancing themselves from sources of rejection.
      4. Fearful–avoidant
        1. “I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.”
        2. People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close relationships. On the one hand, they desire to have emotionally close relationships. On the other hand, they tend to feel uncomfortable with emotional closeness.
        3. Tend to seek less intimacy from others and frequently suppress and deny their feelings. Because of this, they are much less comfortable expressing affection.
    2. What wedding photographers say about love.
  3. Meeting

    1. Social circles
    2. Online dating
    3. Singles events
  4. Dating

    1. Location
    2. Context
    3. Growth
  5. Communication

    1. White lies meant to spare the feelings of others—are associated with less satisfying relationships

Friendship

  1. Funnels

    1. Plan personal dinners for couples or small groups.
    2. Always have 3 events on calendar.
  2. Lists

    1. Top contacts inner circle
    2. People to invite out in your city
    3. People to visit when traveling to other cities

 Professional

  1. Strategy

    1. Be an early supporter of greatness by investing in potential influencers.
    2. Weed out weak, toxic and inauthentic connections.
    3. Create special Facebook feed with your top network.
    4. Net worth = network.
    5. Intern for an influential industry leader.
    6. Remember the strength of many weak ties.
    7. Take time to research people in initial contact.
    8. Find 3 people who do what you want to do, follow them, comment on their content and thank them for their expertise.
    9. Who have I not connected with this week that I can add value to?
    10. Who do I need to reach out to evaluate my thinking?
    11. Who can help me achieve my goals faster?
    12. Categorize “super connectors”.
    13. Best networking happens authentically through bonding activities.
    14. Find someone who was a legend in a past life and reach out.
  2. Attending events

    1. Types
    2. Networking
      1. The value of events are in the other attendees.
        1. Attending seminar sessions aren’t as helpful considering the free talks available online.
        2. If you go to a conference and don’t speak to anyone you’ve wasted 90% of the benefit of a live event.
      2. More powerful to spend time getting to know one person than meeting a large number.
  3. Hosting events

    1. More time to talk with the people. The most valuable time, for attendees, is when we shared our lives with each other. Especially when they all faced similar challenges. Bonding over common ground is great.
    2. Focus. Events can feel too general. Plan specific topics.
  1. Emotional Intelligence

    1. Introverts
      1. How to interact
        1. Respect their need for privacy
        2. Never embarrass them in public
        3. Let them observe first in new situations
        4. Give them time to think, don’t demand instant answers
        5. Don’t interrupt them
        6. Give them advance notice of unexpected changes in their lives
        7. Give them 15 minute warnings to finish whatever they are doing
        8. Teach them new skills privately
        9. Reprimand them privately
        10. Enable them to find one best friend who has similar interests
        11. Don’t push them to make lots of friends
    2. Extroverts
      1. How to interact
        1. Respect their independence
        2. Compliment them in the company of others
        3. Accept and encourage their enthusiasm
        4. Allow them to explore and talk things out
        5. Thoughtfully surprise them
        6. Understand when they are busy
        7. Let them dive right in
        8. Offer them options
        9. Make physical and verbal gestures of affection
        10. Let them shine
    3. Conflicts
      1. Drama triangle
        1. The Victim
          1. The Victim’s stance is “Poor me!” The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim’s negative feelings.
        2. The Rescuer
          1. The rescuer’s line is “Let me help you.” A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn’t go to the rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When he/she focuses their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also very pivotal because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concern for the victim’s needs.
        3. The Persecutor
          1. The Persecutor insists, “It’s all your fault.” The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior.
        4. A drama triangle arises when a person takes on the role of a victim or persecutor. This person then feels the need to enlist other players into the conflict. As often happens, a rescuer is encouraged to enter the situation. These enlisted players take on roles of their own that are not static, and therefore various scenarios can occur. For example, the victim might turn on the rescuer, the rescuer then switches to persecuting.

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